Say It All, Say Nothing

     Time has passed, I hate the Summer months.  I feel like I go into a type of internal hibernation during the Summer.  Fall and Winter is when I flourish.  I just do better when it's cold, overcast and raining.  Maybe I feel the world understands me a little better during this time of year. 
     I haven't received a response to my friend request to Tigan yet, I have frequented his fan page and watched a few performances online.  He is playing locally again and I'm not sure if I'm brave enough to attend.  I haven't been able to watch him through a computer screen without feeling short of breath, yet I can't look away.  I guess that's what they say about certain drugs right?  They make you feel weird, dizzy, even sick but you keep going back.  Not a day has gone by I haven't thought of him in my hibernation.  That night, that look, playing over and over.  I've gotten all the info I can from what is publicly available.  I don't know what's wrong with me, I've never been this....... dare I say... obsessive.  That little voice is telling me to just quit but everything else screams not to give up, keep searching.  Like he's meant to be in my life, to teach me something or for my journey to continue down the correct path, we must connect in some way.  He must know I exist.
     Maybe it's my own issues, being named after a ghost of a woman, a memory, I'm determined to prove I'm real.  Sounds silly doesn't it?  I'm restless, but talking to you helps.  Tigan has sparked something within me and I'm afraid it is going to destroy me if I don't let it out somehow, I hope that makes sense, I swear I'm sounding more and more..... obsessive.  I should go, be productive. 
     Wait, before I go, oh my god!  There it is, my validation!  Tigan Fantoma has accepted my friend request!!!!!   Now I get to peek into a world not everyone gets to see.  I have to go, I have to explore, I'll keep you posted.